An Open Letter to Angela

Dear Angela,

I know you won't ever read this, but who cares. I'm venting to your sorry ass anyway. I've never met such a superficial, trashy lying hypocrite in my entire life. How dare you think you can snipe at me through a text message and think I won't retaliate. Please, you've not been at this game long enough to know my anger. And I thought we were 'best friends'. You wouldn't know a best friend if you came up and bit you on that flat ass of yours. That lie there broke my from any feeling I had for you. Period. You got new friends who are just pitiful reminders of the fact that most of WNC is still redneck trash.

Let me break it down for you simply:

I knew you were lying about the cigarettes the minute you said they were Brett's. No one smokes those kinds of Camels I saw at your place and then goes to Marlboro MENTHOLS. Are you kidding me? I'm not an idiot.

Triple D's? I think not. My wife's a 40E and both your tiny ones put together wouldn't make one of hers. Quit fooling yourself.

Wanna talk about trust? Wanna know why I didn't bring you to my family? Because I knew you were nothing but trash and trouble from the minute you started hanging out with 'those people'. You became an entirely different, and completely TYPICAL person. And that made you less of who I knew and cared about. Much less.

Soulmates? When did soulmates run out the first time things didn't happen exactly as planned? I was sick and tired of catering to your sorry ass on Saturday which is why I didn't call or text you. Not to mention I was actually sick. Of course you blow up and think otherwise.

Boyfriends? Yeah I figured as much you skanky whore. I knew I wasn't the only one tagging that nasty gash of yours. Freaking skank. I don't know what's happened to you, but I liked the old Angela much, much better. This one is psychotic. Maybe it's a midlife crisis, maybe not. The only thing I know is, you're not you. You think you are, but you're not. And this new you is disgusting to me.

What's really sad is we spent 7 years as really good friends. Best friends at least from my point of view. And you barf it all up like a hairball. I don't get that, but then I don't get this 'new and Trashy you'. Personally, I stopped caring for you and about you a while back. And now that I've vented I can say this with utmost sincerity:

YOU AND YOUR FRIENDS CAN SOD THE FUCK OFF!!!!!!!!